The Black Butler and the Vampire Maid
by Kirara Onee-san
Summary: After Ciel reluctantly hires a vampire to help him solve a huge crime, his life turns upside down. Not only for him, but for the whole manor. How will they ever survive this noisy, perverted, and practically psycho vampire?
1. Chapter 1

**The Black Butler and the Vampire Maid**

**Summary:**After Ciel reluctantly hires a vampire to help him solve a huge crime, his life turns upside down. Not only for him, but for the whole manor. How will they ever survive this noisy, perverted, and practically psycho vampire?

***WARNINGS***

**OCs**

**Randomness**

**Violence**

**Swearing**

**Retarded Crack Fic-ness**

**and Cookies**

* * *

**1. "Hen'na Kyuketsuki" (Weird Vampire)**

"Sebastian, when will she be arriving?"Ciel asked, sitting on the chair as if he were the boss. Oh wait... He was the boss.

"Arrival is in 3 minutes and 45 seconds my lord."Sebastian said, checking his pocket watch. The sky was so clear today, and it had no chances of rain at all. Oh, never mind. Gray clouds started to form in the sky, thunder and lightning cracked.

"Sebastiiiiaaaann! Make her come faster! Wait... Hehe.. AHAHAHA!"Ciel burst out laughing at the dirty joke. Sebastian only sighed.

"HEYA GUISE! My names Rose Ikaro, the I is silent~ I'm your new master, so bow down before m-"the stupid vampire girl started, but Ciel and Sebastian both threw forks and knives at her.

"She's really annoying.. Do we HAVE to have her help?"Ciel whined.

"It's under the queen's orders my lord."Sebastian sighed.

"HEY! WHAT WAS THAT FOR!"Rose shouted, coughing up a dangerous amount of blood.

"Oh lord, this is going to be a loooonnngg mission..."Ciel groaned.

* * *

**I know it's short but that's my way of showing I love you all. Just kidding I hate each and every one of you with my cold black heart ^^ (again, kidding). Don't worry, the others will be longer. I have school to attend tomorrow, but Wednesday is the last day! Woot woot! MORE UPDATES! :) people from the J/C/HnKna side of fanfic should be happy, since it's been a while since I updated. Anyways, tootaloo~**


	2. Chapter 2

**The Black Butler and the Vampire Maid**

**Summary:**After Ciel reluctantly hires a vampire to help him solve a huge crime, his life turns upside down. Not only for him, but for the whole manor. How will they ever survive this noisy, perverted, and practically psycho vampire?

***WARNINGS***

**OCs**

**Randomness**

**Violence**

**Swearing**

**Retarded Crack Fic-ness**

**and Cookies**

* * *

**2."Samui De!" (It's Cold!")**

"Holy sh*t Sebastian! What the hell? !"Rose screamed, as Sebastian poured cold water on her.

"Damn I thought you would melt and die!"Ciel groaned, disappointed.

"Heh, it'll take a lot more than a bucket of cold water to get me dead... Actually, all you have to do is-"

"CIEL! I f*cking peed my pants! What do I do? !"Finnian shouted.

"I DON'T GIVE A WHACK! PISS YOURSELF THEN!"Ciel retorted, as Rose stared at them amused.

"Young Lord, don't you think you should-"she tried, but Ciel slapped her, and Sebastian watched, wide eyed.

"SHUT UP B*TCH!"

"OOHHH NOOOO YOOOUUU DIIIIIDNNNN'T!"she said, waving her index finger in the air. "B*tch you wanna go?"

"BRING IT ON! CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!"

"COME AT ME BRO! COME AT ME! THEN GO MAKE ME A F*CKING TACO CAUSE COO STOREH BROH!"she shouted, then she coughed up another dangerous amount of blood.

"HAHA! THAT'S WHAT YOU EFFING GET!"Ciel laughed. Out of nowhere that cat from Shugo Chara came in and ate some french fries, farted, and sand Circus by Britney Spears, and they all died of the toxic cat-fart gas. THE END.


	3. Chapter 3

**The Black Butler and the Vampire Maid**

**Summary:**After Ciel reluctantly hires a vampire to help him solve a huge crime, his life turns upside down. Not only for him, but for the whole manor. How will they ever survive this noisy, perverted, and practically psycho vampire?

***WARNINGS***

**OCs**

**Randomness**

**Violence**

**Swearing**

**Retarded Crack Fic-ness**

**and Cookies**

* * *

**2."Fukkatsu"** (Revival)

Somehow they all revived after the gas-cat left, laughing his bal- er... Tail off.

"DAMN IT SEBASTIAN! DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS SMELL!"Ciel whined, and Sebastian put on a gas mask and dragged Rose into another room.

"Ohh~ Gonna rape me? Otay! Come at me br-"she started.

"SHUT UP!"everyone shouted at her.

The two came out wearing strange clothing, kinda like those things beekeepers wear, but with gas masks!

"Omigawd, where dafuq are the bees? !"Finnian shouted, running around in circles.

"Gurl shut yo mouth!"Mey-Rin said, as she put on a very... Seductive outfit. "Sebastian, rape me now! My body's ready for you!"

"No. My heart belongs only to one person only, Rose-san."he declined.

"R-really? I've only known you for a few minutes, but I love you too Sebastia-"Sebastian cut her off.

"Not _you_! _Her_!"he shouted, and pointed to a tabby cat sitting on a chair.

"DAMN IT! MEY-RIN, HELP ME KILL THIS CAT AND WE CAN GO BACK TO FIGHTING OVER SEBASTIAN!"Rose yelled. Mey-Rin nodded, and they both chased after the cat.

"NOOOO! ROSE!"Sebastian whined, and he ran after them.

"OH GOD I'M GONNA PEE MY PANTS!"Finnian cried, and he wet his pants.

"GREAT! JUST F*CKING GREAT! NOW MY CARPETS HAVE TO GET CLEANED! WHY? ! WHY? ! TWO DECADES IN THE DUNGEON!"Ciel roared with anger.

"But young master, _you're_ the one who told me too just pee myself, and we don't have a dungeon!"Finnian cried.

"Oh... THEN NEXT TIME DON'T LISTEN TO ME! AND GO MAKE A DUNGEON THEN, AND LOCK YOURSELF INSIDE!"Ciel demanded, and Finnan was on his way.

Out of nowhere, a fairy that looked just like the author appeared out of nowhere.

"Hello, I am Skye the magical fairy, I've come to eat your face off, and turn your spleen into a taco!"she smiled, and started chasing after all the residents. The End.


End file.
